Sometimes I find it ironic and a little disingenuous that I have a site named Unstressed Life when I am so stressed out most of the time. I sometimes find it hard to write for the site given my state of mind and constant state of anxiety. The source of my stress can be attributed to one thing….my job.
I hate my job and I feel like it is slowly killing me. I am stressed the entire day while I am in the office. Then when I come home I am worried about going back. Sunday is hell since the entire day is wasted dreading when I have to go back to the office. Monday morning is the worst.
On my way to work I drive over a large lake on a narrow two-way street. I often fantasize about getting in a head on collision or spinning out of control into the lake. All of this just to avoid going in to the office.
One morning when I was particularly stressed and depressed I went to a vacant parking lot and gave myself a pep talk for about 10 minutes before heading in to work. I would have quit a long time ago if I didn’t have 2 kids to provide for. I know logically that they would most likely be happier if I quit since my home life isn’t great because I bring by work home with me. I am impatient and quick to anger with them most days. I’m so drained when I get home from work that I don’t have any energy to play, read, or spend any level of quality time with them.
It’s Time to Quit
I know now that for this situation to improve I need to quit my job. I’ve been at the same company now for 8 years and it has gotten progressively worse. I dream about the day I can retire and continuing to do this for the next 20 years is unfathomable. Hell, even imagining doing this for another month is a stretch. The problem is that I make good money at this company. My salary is $200K+ before bonuses and LTI. However I have come to the conclusion that while I have never had this much money in my life I am also the most unhappy I have ever been. It really is true that money can’t buy you happiness. I am tired all the time and I know that I drink too much to escape my own thoughts and sadness. I just want to rest.
So I’ve decided to pull the trigger and quit. I’m not sure what will happen with this next chapter in my life. I’ve been saving money and investing for a rainy day like this. I’m also pretty cheap/frugal so I’m sure I will find new and creative ways to save money.
I feel better already! Just deciding to finally quit this job and get on the path to healing, recovery, and self-discovery has been a huge mood booster.
Now comes the hard part. I have to actually go in and quit and leave this lucrative job behind. I’ve been looking for another job but so far nothing seems right for my next move. I’m not even sure what I want to do next. Well no one said that life was supposed to be easy.
Wish me luck!
