Anxiety sucks. I’m exhausted from constantly worrying and I know its had a negative impact on my social and work life. As we head into the new year I’ve decided that enough is enough. I want to be happy again. I also can’t imagine going on like this for the rest of my life.
So I’ve finally decided to talk with a mental health professional. I really hope they can help me and at this point I am willing to try anything. When I look at my life on the surface I should be happy. I have a great wife and two happy and healthy kids. We’ve also done well financially and have no debt and a nest egg saved up for a rainy day. But unfortunately I’m anything but happy. Even though I recently got a new job I already hate it and my stress had skyrocketed.
I’m starting to come to the conclusion that the years of being in high stress corporate jobs has taken it’s toll and has caused considerable damage to my psyche. Also as I reflect I don’t think I ever really recovered from the death of my parents.
Enough is enough! I am tired of feeling anxiety all the time. If you deal with anxiety you know that it can drain your energy, motivation, and so much more. My short term memory is terrible. I also don’t laugh as much as I used to and it just feels like I’m going through life in a gray fog.
Heck, I’m a huge Star Wars fan and I’ve been so stressed recently that I wasn’t nearly as excited as I should have been. I know I shouldn’t try to self diagnose but I believe I have general anxiety disorder. When I read the symptoms I feel like I have many of them.
General Anxiety Disorder GAD Symptoms
Fatigue
I have been beyond exhausted. When I get home from from work all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch TV. I have zero energy to spend with my kids. I’ll hear them playing upstairs but have no energy to play with them.
Excessive Worrying
I worry all the time. It is so bad in the morning sometimes I feel like Im at my wits end. I feel like I need to quit my job and just focus on getting better. If you worry all the time you know this feeling of constant stress and anxiety can be crippling. I am so glad I quit drinking over a year ago as alcohol just made things worse.
Insomnia
I cant remember the last time I had a good nights sleep. It is so hard to fall asleep when you are stressed out. When I do fall asleep I toss and turn and have dreams where I am trying to solve an unsolvable problem. I will also wake up drenched in sweat several times a week.
No Tolerance for Uncertainty
I used to be able to navigate stressful high pressure situations on the job masterfully. Now these pressure situations feel me dread and apprehension. I now feel that when a challenge comes up that my entire world is collapsing and I cant leave to problems at the office. Instead I bring problems home and my frustration cones through in how I interact with my family.
Inability to Focus
The anxiety makes it really hard for me to concentrate. As a result I know it has to be negatively impacting my effectiveness on the job.
Depressed
I am sad most of the time. I don’t look forward to the future the way I used to and laughing is a rare thing these days. I’ve found myself eating more junk food after i stopped drinking to fill a void and give me some brief enjoyment.
Muscle Tightness
My neck is so tight all the time that it pops and cracks all the time when I roll my neck or look from side to side. The only time it feels normal is when I take a hot shower and the muscles will finally loosen up and relax.
Hell, after reading this I cant believe I’ve waited this long to get professional help. I am optimistic that I will be able to get my life back on track and find peace. If you have these symptoms don’t make my mistake and talk to a professional. I’ve been dealing with these issues since 2007 when my Dad died and it has finally gotten so bad that I need to face my issues/demons head on.
Good luck to all those dealing with anxiety. Please post your comments on how you are dealing with it below.
